In previous blog posts, I have made mention to the bedtime routine that we do for our four-year old daughter. That routine has evolved over the last few years as she grows and develops mentally, physically and spiritually, and also as my wife and I grow in our own parenting.
One part of the bedtime routine that we both feel is extremely important (right behind the reading of the Word and prayer) is telling the girls their “Sleepy Words”. My wife came up with these when our oldest was two months old, and we have been speaking them over her and her little sister ever since. These words are not so much about helping them go to sleep as they are to be reminders to our daughters of the truths that we as parents want to speak into their lives.
The words we speak over our girls are:
“You are loved, you are safe, you are wanted, you are cherished, you are prayed for, you are beautiful, and you are enough.”
Don’t we all need to hear those words? Not only as children from our parents, but also from our spouses? Or our friends? As a believer in Christ Jesus, I know those words are true when it comes to how HE feels about me. I pray that all would come to know the feeling of those truths in their lives. However, as humans, we need to hear those words spoken to us because they have the power to build us up and encourage us.
Lets take each phrase individually:
“You are loved…” – Everyone wants to feel loved, but we also want to hear the words as well. My wife knows that I love her. She sees it in my actions, how I treat her, etc. However, if I do not tell my wife “I love you” everyday, she may start to wonder if it is still true. Men, how do you think your wife would react if you stopped saying that you loved her for a few days? You would probably find yourself sleeping on the couch. Saying the words “I love you” is the water that helps feed the seeds of action that have already been planted. You cannot just act like you love someone and expect them to truly believe it unless you SAY it also. Conversely, you cannot just say “I love you” without action, otherwise it is just a phrase spoken in vain and without meaning. Show your spouse, your children, your family and friends that you love them…but TELL them too!
Christ himself told the world of his love when He died on the cross:
For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life. – John 3:16 (NASB)
Jesus gave up his own life because of his love for people. The more you read through Scripture, the more you see God’s love for each and every one of us.
“You are safe…” – This is a dangerous and fallen world that we live in. I can never guarantee physical safety at all times to my family, but I try to do all that I physically can to provide that safety for my family. That said, physical safety is not enough. I need to be a safe place emotionally and spiritually for my family and friends. If a close friend or family member is unable to tell me an issue they are dealing with because they do not think I will have their best interests in mind, or that I will be too judgmental, there is a problem.
Husbands and wives, you NEED to be that safe place for each other! I have failed my wife if she does not think that she can share her fears and insecurities with me. Be that safe place for those around you. Above all, Christ is that ultimate safe place for us. Even if we cannot be kept physically safe, or even emotionally safe, only Jesus can protect our souls if our trust and hope are in Him.
‘You are wanted…” – Every child deserves to hear that they are wanted. Children in orphanages and foster care deserve to know that there is someone out there who deeply desires to care for them. Families who have had a spouse or a parent leave need to know that they are wanted, not only by other people, but by God, who loves and wants all of us.
My wife and I may not have specifically “planned” to get pregnant with either of our daughters, or the two miscarriages between them, but they were all desperately wanted from the moment we knew of their existence. Our family would be incomplete without them. We have wept over our two lost babies, and those losses have helped us to value our two daughters even more!
“You are cherished…” – According to dictionary.com, to cherish something means:
… regarding or treating something as an object of affection or as valuable: to cherish a friendship.
People need to hear that they are valued. The words “I love you”, in many ways, have lost some of their value as that phrase has been over used and under appreciated over the years. However, telling someone you “cherish them” or “cherish their friendship” ascribes great value to that person and to the relationship. It goes beyond love to a point of elevating the relationship, and not in an idolatrous way. Again, saying that you cherish someone shows the immense value you put on knowing them.
“You are prayed for…” – As a Christian, one of the best ways that I know to show love to someone is to pray for them. We have examples of Christ praying for his disciples. In the book of Luke, Jesus told Simon Peter:
“Simon, Simon, behold, Satan has demanded permission to sift you like wheat; but I have prayed for you, that your faith may not fail; and you, when once you have turned again, strengthen your brothers.” – Luke 22:31-32 (NASB)
While telling my wife that I love her is important, she also needs to hear (and see) that I pray for her daily. Praying for those around you is not just speaking words about them to God, it shows a sacrifice of your own time and effort on their behalf. Offering up prayers to God for friends, family, or even enemies, expresses love and value for that person, even if it is not reciprocated.
“You are beautiful…” – I have to be totally honest here. My wife and daughters are all stunningly beautiful! I know I can make my wife blush when I simply stare at her and say, “Wow, you are gorgeous!” It will melt her heart and it is important for her to hear those words from me. However, one of the reasons that this is one of the last things that we tell our daughters at night is so that it will hopefully de-emphasize the importance of physical beauty. While physical beauty is not bad on its own, and people, especially women, need to hear that they are physically beautiful, we try to teach our daughters about inner beauty as well – to have a kind and beautiful heart. What is even more important is the fact that, according to Genesis 1:27:
God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.
The simple fact that we are created in the image of the creator, the one who is Beauty, means we are inherently beautiful. Every single one of us is beautiful.
“You are enough” – We save this for last because we feel it is of utmost importance. There is an epidemic in this country of people feeling like they do not matter, that, no matter what they do, they will never amount to anything. So often, parents try to correct their own mistakes or “under-achievements” through their children, living vicariously through them, or push their children to achieve, looking to the future without noticing where their children are at in that moment. I want my daughters to know that they are enough. They do not need to make it to a certain level in life in order to gain my love or approval, Their life does not have to be in perfect order before they can approach God. They do not have to have a certain job, or play a certain sport, or reach a certain societal status to be enough in my eyes. Christ simply asks us to follow Him and his commands. If we do that, everything else will fall into place and he will look down on us with approval. King David was not perfect but was called, “…a man after his (God’s) own heart.”
Someone in your life needs to hear these seven phrases. You may even need to hear them yourself. I believe that God wants everyone to hear these words, that He speaks these words over every person every day whether we hear Him or not.
Proverbs 12:18 says:
The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
Let us be careful in how we speak to others. Our words do have power. Use them to build each other up and bring healing to the lives of those around us!
Cindy
March 23, 2016 at 4:47 pm
Ryan, I am so proud of what you have proclaimed here and to your lovely girls. Well said and encouraging again to me. Often I may know these truths but life wears me down. I need the reminders often and daily too. Thank you for sharing. Love, Aunt Cindy
Ryan Skolrud
March 23, 2016 at 6:29 pm
All of us need to hear these words. I am glad this post could be a reminder to you!!!