Teething and Feeding the 5,000 (The Will to Love) – Ryan Skolrud

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The past few months have been really tough from a parenting/sleep aspect. It feels like our one year old has been teething forever! By the time our oldest turned one, she had 4 total teeth. By contrast, in the 6 weeks leading up to our youngest girl’s birthday in mid February, she gained 5 teeth to put her at 8 total! There was no spreading it out for the little one. She seems to be taking care of it all at once!

In those 6 weeks, I could not remember the last time I had a full night’s sleep. My wife has slept even less, having to nurse the baby through the pain at night. About a week ago, we thought we had turned a corner. The baby had a few decent nights of sleep. Then, a few nights ago, she woke up in the middle of the night screaming uncontrollably. Not even nursing would calm her down, half whimpering as she fed. As soon as she was done, the screaming continued. This happened for a couple nights until my wife noticed one afternoon that the baby had TWO molars coming in at the same time! One had fully broken through the gums while the other was just cutting its way through.

Well, that explained the screaming!

This brings us to a couple nights ago. I have been working late nights lately at the grocery store, standing for hours in the check-stand. I got home at 9:30pm after a long shift, tired legs and back, knowing my wife and I needed to finish cleaning up the house and finish packing for vacation the next day. Ten minutes after walking in the door, the baby woke up crying and it was my turn to go up and try to comfort her back to sleep. We now knew why she was having trouble sleeping, so I had a frame of reference to understand her pain.

Now, when it comes to comforting this little girl back to sleep, you cannot do it sitting down. I have to be standing up and bouncing on my toes or pacing the room while patting her back in order to relax her back to sleep. We have an old reclining chair next to her bed that is very comfortable to sit in, especially after a long day of work. However, if I try to sit in that chair while the baby is resting on my shoulder, she immediately starts kicking, screaming, arching her back, and trying to climb up my stomach to get away!

After 45 minutes of pacing and patting she was finally calmed enough to fall back asleep so I could put her back in her bed. I laid her down and went back downstairs to visit with my wife. Ten whole minutes later, the crying came through the monitor once more. Again, I ran upstairs to try and comfort the baby back down.

At this point, I was exhausted and ready to just sit down. So I tried that….screaming ensued. So I stood back up and started pacing again. My legs and back were really starting to ache at this point and I was so tired from the lack of sleep the previous few nights. An hour in and I was really starting to lose my patience. I just wanted to be able to sit down after not sleeping for days and having to work late night shifts at work. I could not even stand still for 20 seconds without the baby getting cranky from a lack of movement. Infant’s Tylenol was not working fast enough to help with the tooth pain. I wanted to scream, “JUST GO TO SLEEP!!!!”

Then a story came to my mind from Matthew 14. Jesus had just learned that his cousin, John the Baptist, had been executed by Herod and had his head served on a silver platter to Herodias’ daughter. After hearing the news, Jesus needed some rest and time alone to mourn. He got on a boat to cross the lake to a remote area. The crowds heard where Jesus was headed and followed him from the surrounding towns.

Tired and in mourning for his cousin, Jesus wanted time to himself. However, he had compassion on the crowds that had gathered and healed their sick. As it was getting late, the disciples wanted to let the people go to find food in the surrounding villages. Jesus told the disciples to feed the people, to which they replied,

“But we only have five loaves of bread and two fish!” (Mt 14:17)

Knowing he was going to have to take care of it himself, Jesus requested the food be brought to him. He took the food, blessed the food, broke it into pieces and had it distributed out to the people. That little bit of food fed 5,000 men along with the women and children who were also gathered. I have heard estimates of the full total being between 10,000 and 15,000 people.

I would imagine that the humanity of Jesus was exhausted with dealing with people and performing miracles. I am sure he was emotionally fatigued from grief, as well as his desire to help the people. And yet, he served. He did not let his feelings determine how he would act. He CHOSE to love in spite of how he felt. He put aside his exhaustion, his tiredness, his brokenness, to serve others.

He did the same in the Garden of Gethsemane – stressed to the point of sweating blood. Jesus did not want to die. He asked his Father,

“My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me.” (Mt. 26:39)

However, his prayer did not stop there, finishing with,

“Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.”

Then, on the cross he chose to forgive his killers and asked God to do the
same:

“Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.” (Lk. 23:34)

We are to be the example of Christ to those around us. We are to pray for, comfort, encourage and help our friends, family and “neighbors” not only when we are happy, excited and full of energy, but also when we are tired, hurting and broken.

In Mere Christianity, C.S Lewis says,

“The rule for all of us is perfectly simple. Do not waste your time bothering whether you ‘love’ your neighbor; act as if you did. As soon as we do this we find one of the greatest secrets. When you are behaving as if you loved someone, you will presently come to love him.”

Later on he states,

“Nobody can always have devout feelings; and even if we could, feelings are not what God principally cares about. Christian Love, either towards God or towards man, is an affair of the will.”

Once I realized I was reacting to my daughter out of my own tiredness and exhaustion and was not serving her, I had to immediately ask God to forgive me. I needed His grace and strength to help me serve my daughter in the way she needed. I had to choose, or will myself to love her and take care of her in spite of my own feelings. It made the last hour of shushing, patting, pacing and bouncing a little bit easier as I, with God’s help, willed my feelings into agreement with my actions – to serve her in her time of need.

Too often we let our own circumstances get in the way of our calling to serve. “I am too busy.” “I am too tired.” “I don’t have time.”

As Christians, we are called to be like Jesus and to serve others – not just when it is easy, but when it is hard. It is an act of the will.

I am learning that feelings come and go, and to base my actions on those feelings will only lead to inconsistency of character. Acting rightly by the choice of my will and the help of God, no matter my feelings, will lead to consistency and integrity. I know which path I want to take.